2011

Well the beginning of a new year is here and here I sit contemplating how blessed we are. I feel very lucky to...........
You know what? I am not sure what I feel lucky about! I am sad that my kid is around the country fighting in a battle that can't be won. I am sick of the pit in my stomach and concern every time the freakin phone rings. I am tired of avoiding the news and yet being drawn to it. I don't like to even think about him hopping out of his truck to put his life on the line and yet it constantly is invading my thoughts and filling my dreams. I don't want him to feel nervous about coming home because he is different. Breathe, breathe...
OK, this is not my gripe about the war blog. I really do have hope for 2011. I hope it is a good year for Cade. I hope he continues to grow.
He has started ordering himself birthday presents for his leave time. He feels very lucky to have such awesome friends and family at home. He can't wait to thank you all personally for being so supportive.
A couple of things I thought to ask him about next time we talk: Have you seen any camels? What about little donkeys? Do you live in a tent? (It doesn't look like it, but what do I know?) If anyone wants to know something, let me know and I will ask. He may not be able to tell me some things, but we can try.
Sorry to be so negative. Must be the winter blues. But I also want to write how it is. For this is a documentation of his deployment for us to look back at if we need or want to. I am still hesitant to put in any harsh details that he has told me. I don't want to freak anyone else out!
Anyway, Happy New Year!
Here is to a better year for the soldiers in Afghanistan and elsewhere. May more lives be spared. Let Macade and the rest of his unit come home safe. Let them move on.

Christmas in Afghanistan

So, there is a reason for my lack of blogging here. I haven't heard anything! Macade evidently has been on several missions this week. It has been a stressful week for us too.
So I heard from him this morning finally and he is OK. They have been very busy and I don't know that they even take time to really celebrate the holidays.
So I sit here this Christmas Eve waiting to hear from him. Knowing that he woke up this morning in another country on the other side of the world. Neither of us will have a "normal" Christmas. It may be memorable, but not the same. I know that it never will be.
He was having a rough night, but said he was a man now and needs to deal with things and move on. Wow.
I miss him. I want to hug him. I want to smell him. Weird, I know. Your kids have a smell though and I miss it like I miss him. I want him to be safe. I want to be able to talk to him and comfort him. I want to say Merry Christmas to him knowing that he is not going to go out to put his life on the line, just for a day even.
I want to ask again for everyone to not forget Macade after the holidays. I have heard that the next few weeks are the toughest because they aren't getting as much mail. Cade is looking forward to coming home for a bit, so that might help. But if you think of him throughout the holidays, drop him a little line. He always loves hearing from everyone. Thanks everyone. Merry Christmas! May there be PEACE on earth.

Another day, another post

Well, I have tried and tried to copy and paste Cade's last message to me, but failure. So I will improvise. He wanted me to tell everyone hello and that he misses you all but will see you soon. (Of course.) He said he really loves it there and that he thinks he will miss it when he comes home. He loves the structure of the Army life still. He quizzed me about who will be at the airport. By the way, anyone is welcome to come to the airport. We are not doing a formal party on that day because I think he will be beat. He said that he is so excited to come home and go to church where he can personally thank the ward for being so supportive of him. He wanted me to thank everyone that has been sending things for the holidays. He has sure felt the love this holiday season.
He really does love his work. I know he is seeing things that he will never forget, but he is growing. He has changed a lot and it will be interesting to "meet" him again.
Thank you all for being so great to our family. It is a difficult time of year for us, but it will be memorable to all of us as well. We are grateful.

Remembering a hero

Macades unit lost one of their leaders yesterday. I knew it would be difficult, but I never imagined this unique hurt for someone I don't even know. It hits far too close to home.
I spoke with Macade this morning who wasn't going to mention anything, but was acting different. I told him I had watched the news and he asked what I had heard. I told him that I knew that Sgt Thode had been killed. Macades obvious relief at being able to release some emotion was evident. We shared a few tears as we spoke about what a great leader Sgt Thode was and how much Macade respected him. He then wiped away his tears and told me that Sgt Thode would want them to go on with their work. He told me,"this is war" and that he still has a mission to accomplish. It is a very emotional time for all of the guys out there.
On a lighter note, we talked about how happy he will be to come home and be with loved ones for a while. He wants to "hang out" and go look at motorcycles. He is very excited and talks about it every time we talk. He has developed a deeper appreciation for family and still tells me every time to tell everyone he loves them and will see them soon.
Everyone, take a moment to remember our troops today. The very men that put their lives on the line every day. I told him he is a hero and I have no doubt that his response is echoed every day in his camp. He tells me "I'm just doing my job." Think about your job and what is required of you and say a little prayer for those that have commitment to something far bigger than themselves.
Thanks for all of your support as we struggle to make it through this deployment. We appreciate all of your thoughts and prayers.

Thanksgiving in A!

We spoke with Cade this morning! Skype is the thing I am most grateful for! So, I got right up and came to the computer knowing that it was his Thanksgiving evening. He of course was online and called right away. He asked if I would get ready and go out to my sisters early so he could see everyone. This was bitter sweet because I was sad that our Colorado family couldn't talk to him also. (We couldn't travel there due to weather.) I wish everyone could have seen him. It was also a bummer for me to get out of my pjs at 9:00 to drive out to Payson in the freezing cold... But it was totally worth it to see Macades face as the video popped up and he could see his Utah family crowded around the computer to see him. He was wearing his groovy Afghani scarf and has really filled out in the cheeks. He just smiled ear to ear the whole time he spoke with everyone. He especially loved Gammons version of "Osama got ran over my a reindeer". We were very happy to see him happy. Hopefully his day was nice. He didn't say much except for they had made them a nice dinner. He was leaving the safety of the base this morning, so as usual, remember him in your prayers. Thank you all and Happy Thanksgiving!

Wow! It's been a while

I didn't realize I hadn't written the most recent about Cade. There's not a lot, so don't get excited. I spoke with him briefly on Friday. He was good. We didn't have much to say, but he looks healthy and usually pretty happy. He had had a long day, but I'm thinking "aren't they all long?" He wanted me to go get him some gadgets out of his storage unit and we talked about the dreams we've been having. He says he has dreams every night that he is home on leave. Funny, but I just dreamt about him for the first time. (Thank heavens, cause even the good one was a tough one.) I dreamed that he was here on leave and what is the first thing I do??? Run him to the dentist. Oh my. I really have lost my mind. Anyway, I woke up and cried a little bit.
He's on my mind this morning as 5 more young men have been killed today. I have not heard from Macade, but I am pretty sure it is not in his area.
I miss him horribly and can't wait to hold him in my arms and tell him it will be OK.

Another day

Spoke with Cade today. It was awesome! He and I have not had a chance to talk like that since before he left the country. I really needed it too. I miss him terribly. He is good. He would not quit talking and I loved it. Now I have to remember everything he said. He was telling me how much he loves the children there. He told me that they are the reason he is there and if he changes just one of their lives, it will make it worth being there. He loves the little boy in the bottom left picture below. His name is Sheeb and he knows Macade as Moore and calls out to him whenever he is around. Macade says he hooked him up real good with some Halloween candy he got. Cade loves the locals, especially the kids. He talks a lot about them. He really wants to make a difference in their lives.
He talked about the things he hopes to do when he gets home. Buy a condo and a motorcycle. He has a very one-tracked mind. He is sooo excited for his leave time! He says he cannot wait to eat when he wants and sleep when he wants and go anywhere he wants. I personally think he won't know what to do with himself when he gets here, but we will see. He is a little worried that I might be too clingy. What?!
He sounded different to me today. I have thought in the past that he has "grown up", but I think it is for real this time. Maybe... No really, he sounds like a man that has seen things I never hope to. He says he found a quote the other day that sums it up. He didn't have the exact wording, but it was something about how facing death will make you remember what is really important in your life. And I think he is working it out. It will take time.
He wanted me to remind everyone here in his life how much he loves them. And that his leave is just around the corner and he can't wait to see everyone. Thanks for all of your prayers for him. I know he feels them.
***Don't forget if you are sending him a package, do NOT put Afghanistan in the address. It will go straight to Afghanistan and not the APO. Also, they say to mail Christmas packages no later than the first week of December.***