After Much Concern...

I have decided to post some details. Not in an effort to freak anyone out, but to be true to this record. I have thought a lot about it and I think that in an effort to keep this as some sort of journal, I need to put in some detail. So if you are a worrier or a Grandma (or both) I will warn you ahead of time when I am going to write something bothersome. I have also decided it might be therapeutic for me to get it off my chest without having to call and cry to someone. That being said, Grandma's look no further.
Christmas was not what I had envisioned. I knew that it would never be the same of course. However, I had planned on getting the family together and Skyping and laughing and crying with Cade. Our plans were derailed on Christmas Eve when I was doing some instant messaging with him. He had had a long week. I could tell just by the things he was saying. I never try to press him for details. I think he will talk as he feels he can. I told him I was sorry he was struggling, to which he responded, "I mean, I know it is hard to see a copper wire in the dark, but I trust these guys to clear the area." As you can imagine, my heart fell into my shoes and I was glad we were not speaking by phone. I asked if it had triggered anything and he said "no, just made my heart stop." I am looking forward to getting the full story when he gets home. (Sick, I know.) I have no idea why he did not get blown up! It makes me cringe to think that we may have spent a far different Christmas this year.
In the end, Macade felt like he was unable to talk with family for Christmas. He was going to work out. (Who works out on Christmas??) He mentioned being able to talk to everyone in person soon.
It really does seem like I just start to relax, when something like this comes up. It makes me remember that he is not just on some base fixing trucks. He is out recovering vehicles that if left for any amount of time, are laden with explosives. His job is scary! I would love to say that I will not worry from this point on, but that would be lying. I worry a lot. It is my only goal this year to let myself relax a bit and not worry so much. I have had to tell myself several billion times that there really is nothing I can do but let him know he is loved and supported back home. And then it is Gods hands. Just like he was on Christmas Eve.